When a senior pastor abruptly leaves the church, it typically leaves a painful aftermath for the leadership team to clean-up. But who feels adequately trained or prepared to confidently step into the mess?

It feels very similar when someone has died, and there will be a funeral. Who really enjoys being in those situations? We know we should be there, but we feel so awkward because we’re not sure what to do or what to say (and we’re nervous we’ll say or do the wrong thing).

That’s exactly the depth of uncertainty the leadership team faces when their senior pastor abruptly leaves. They need to be right where they don’t easily know what to say or what to do!

So how do we engage when we have the strong urge to escape? What does it look like to invest in others when our inclination is to withdraw?

The reality is, many leaders are comfortable leading from the controlled environment of the church’s board room. For in that place we know who sits at the table, and there is an established agenda.

But how do we lead in the church lobby? A setting where we don’t know people as well, where we don’t know what might be asked, and where someone might emote all over us? In short, it’s a less controlled environment!

But this is right where the church body needs you! Don’t try and control things from a distance but come alongside them with your presence.

Take your leadership from the board room to the church lobby

How do we do that? James 1:19 gives leaders a critical assignment, “…let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” The first phrase is key: listen. Listen not only to what they willingly say, but also what you can draw out of them. Be ready (quick) to ask good questions.

What questions do I ask? Questions that uncover the depth and intensity of their grief response to losing their pastor.

The practical complexity is that everyone in the church will be responding differently to the news. Some appear unaffected….others are constantly in tears. Some won’t talk about it….others are putting on a “good face”. So, as a leader in my church, committed to shepherding others, how can I tell where they are and what they need?”

This is what I face every time I enter a church as their interim pastor. As I begin in a new setting I want to get to know people. As a shepherd, I too, want to be aware of their needs. I want to sense how they may need to be shepherded in the grief they are still experiencing (see graphic above).

As I engage people in conversation about what happened, here are 4 signals I’m looking for as I ask questions.

1. The depth of loss.

Every loss involves separation. How much do they talk about what is now “gone”? How deep is their yearning to have what is gone be restored? How deep is their sadness or sense of emptiness? How strong is their urge to “fix” the matter?

2. The depth of emotion.

How deep is their reaction to the loss of the senior pastor? How powerful are their emotions of bitterness, anger, apathy, sadness, fear, self-pity, helplessness? Do they quickly come to tears in talking about the former pastor? Do some of their emotions seem extreme or conflicting? Look at their face, do you see pain etched there?

3. The depth of uncertainty.

Have they received the news of the pastor’s departure with a sense of shock and being thrown off-balance? Are they worried or concerned about their future, or the future of the church? Do they exhibit a sense of panic, seen in “somebody needs to do something now!” Are they trying to exert an extreme type of control?

4. The depth of being overwhelmed.

Has the news of the senior pastor’s exit left them numb? Are they disoriented about life, or confused about simple choices? Do they give evidence of not feeling safe, or feeling powerless to adjust to the pastor’s departure? How deep is their sense of devastation? Are they irrational or having a difficult time getting this event out of their minds?

Why do I gently probe in these 4 areas? Because their answers will tell me the intensity of their grief. Are they experiencing the abrupt departure as a loss, as a crisis, or as a trauma? The more intense their grief, the more care and loving attention they need.

Now you may not be able to personally provide what they need, but now, as a shepherd, you are in a position to connect them with someone who can! That is not only loving, but practically compassionate. And that’s one way a shepherd comes alongside with their presence.

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