Monthly Archives: October 2021

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What to do When You’re No Longer Trusted

The Ripple You Can't Afford to Ignore

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When a pastor has a moral implosion, the collapse of his character sends shock waves in every direction. Like ripples on the surface of a pond, the resulting consequences from his choices rock the church deeply.

The most obvious shockwaves are physical: what ears hear, and eyes see. Church members hear the news of what he did (possibly struggling to believe it’s true), and his abruptly exit from the ministry is clearly seen (his physical absence is disturbing).

Yet woven amid the physical shockwaves of a moral implosion are powerful heart shockwaves that are too often ignored. One of the most significant is the repercussion of broken trust.

  • Trust is broken because the pastor said one thing but was living another.
  • Trust is broken as it’s now evident how he used his position for himself.
  • Trust is broken as people wonder when he spoke what was a lie and what was the truth.
  • Trust is broken as people feel foolish and angry for being deceived.

The significant and respected role that pastors have in the personal life of church members means that when trust is broken it may be a long time before people are willing to trust someone else in a similar role.

“Trust is like blood pressure. It’s silent, vital to good health, and if abused it can be deadly.”  -Frank Sonnenberg, author of Follow Your Conscience

Church leaders, who are left to pick-up the pieces after an abrupt pastoral departure, need to be aware that the most damaging nature of the broken trust shockwave is not physical but relational.

In addition, there is one other confusing and perplexing aspect of the broken trust shockwave. The damage is not restricted to the relationship between church member and the former pastor. Rightly or wrongly, it often splashes over on the rest of the leadership team. Broken trust with the pastor often results in broken trust with everyone else on the leadership team. Why? Here is what some are thinking:

  • If our pastor was doing this, were some of the rest of our leaders also doing it too?
  • How could our leaders not have known what he was doing? Were they covering it up?
  • If the moral failure was sexual, then often the women of the church wonder if the leadership team has objectified women? They don’t know if they are safe at church.

This scenario presents very real relational challenges to the leadership team. You can’t demand others trust you! Trust is broken quickly but rebuilt slowly. It’s much like a brick wall that collapses to rubble. Rebuilding takes time as one brick after another is put in place.

“When mistrust comes in, loves goes out.” –Irish proverb

Is it possible for the leadership team to design a strategy to rebuild trust? Absolutely. The strategy will need to incorporate at least two elements:

  1. Acknowledge the elephant in the room.

Publicly acknowledge that many in the church may not know if they can trust their leaders. It doesn’t matter if there is any truth to their doubts and skepticism. It’s the impression they have. Simply recognize that is the current tone in the church.

  1. Commit to the process of rebuilding trust.

Since rebuilding trust takes time, promise to work on earning the church’s trust again. Openly admit that this will not be a quick process but it’s important to the leadership team that the church trust them once again.

So once the broken trust is acknowledged, and there is a public commitment to rebuilding it, how do you move forward?

Ken Blanchard in his book Trust Works gives a great model of the key elements of trust. It’s called the ABCD model of trust. Leadership teams can use this model to identify which aspects of trust need attention.

Able
Does the church believe the leadership team has the competence to lead the church? This is more than having an educational degree or the experience of having served in that role for many years. It involves having Spirit-led wisdom, training, and skill.

Believable
Believability is all about a leader’s godly character as revealed in their behavior. Godly leaders have hearts of biblical integrity: what they are in public is what they are in private. They are not motivated by hidden or worldly agendas.

Connected
Trust is built, or rebuilt, when leaders demonstrate a sincere care for those they lead. They are open and available to those they lead. They listen well, they give their full attention in conversations, and they are quick to pray. In short, they are Christ-like shepherds caring for the hearts of others.

Dependable
We trust leaders we can count on. When they give their word, they do it. We can rely on them because we believe they are following the Lord. Dependable leaders stand in the gap and are willing to sacrifice. As Aslan told the first King and Queen of Narnia in The Magician’s Nephew, lead the charge and be the last one in retreat.

All it takes is one of the above elements to be damaged for trust to be broken. And, the more elements in question, the deeper the broken trust, and the more time it will take to rebuild.

When trust is broken, the first step towards rebuilding is to ask and identify which of the four elements of trust has been damaged. As I’ve already mentioned, it doesn’t matter if the accusation is real or only the impression others have. Start right where people are and commit yourself to showing over time how as one of the church leaders you are a person of competence, integrity, who cares, and is reliable.

These four elements of trust can give you a template for building an action plan to rebuild trust with the church. Ask others to give you the time and opportunity to repair what’s been damaged.

Many a man proclaims his own loyalty, but who can find a trustworthy man? -Proverbs 20:6

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Embrace Your Church’s Brokenness

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Kintsugi and a Church in Pastoral Transition

“I have become like broken pottery.” -Psalm 31:12 (NIV)

When life is harsh and brutal, how do we respond to the brokenness which occurred?

The Art of Kintsugi

Recently, my wife and I have become fascinated with Kintsugi. This is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the broken areas with an adhesive mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum.

The effect highlights and draws attention to the breakage and repair, making it part of the history of the object, rather than disguising what was once shattered.

The philosophy behind Kintsugi reflects the reality of life. All of us will experience knocks, breaks and shatterings, just like a piece of pottery. But will we value a repair or restoration that actually illuminates the fractures?

For the follower of Jesus, the Japanese concept of Kintsugi is not teaching us something new, rather it’s a reminder of our biblical values. We are to be those who embrace our weaknesses, or brokenness.

Paul describes this in 2 Corinthians 12:9b-10. On the basis of the grace and power of God,

“Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may result upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

How does all this relate to a church going through pastoral transition because its pastor has abruptly left?

Quick Pastoral Exits Reveal Brokenness

It’s no surprise that churches, like individuals, are susceptible to knocks, breaks, and shatterings. The quick exit of the pastor often reveals a corporate brokenness on a number of levels. Unfortunately, instead of embracing it, the tendency of the leadership team (which is left to pick up the pieces) is to try and hide it.

Sure, the pastor made mistakes or got caught-up in sin. But rarely does the brokenness stop there. Often the leadership team played a part. Yet, when we were wrong, when we failed, when we made a poor decision, when we were oblivious to what was obvious, when we were self-absorbed instead of serving others, -it’s hard to be humble and transparent.

The church is hurting, the church is angry, the church is confused, the church is frustrated. The leadership team usually is very aware of this and typically doesn’t want to add fuel to the fire. There is a fear. The fear that if they address the issue(s) directly it will lead to more people leaving, less people giving, and less people being involved.

The assumed response is to hide the brokenness instead of embracing it.

Yet in my 10 years of experience as an interim pastor, having served 6 different congregations, those churches which embraced their brokenness healed more quickly and entered more easily into a new season of Christ-honoring ministry.

Be Careful of Image Management

If you’re on the leadership team, don’t under-estimate the difficulty and pressure of handling the church’s brokenness. The temptation will be to resort to “image management”. This is the attempt to control the narrative, seeking to enhance how others perceive us, spinning the facts so others will trust us and follow our leadership.

That’s what you will be tempted to do, but don’t go there!

People rarely insist their church have a perfect appearance. What they desperately want is to see authenticity. Most people don’t leave churches because there is, or are, problems. Sure, the spiritually immature or fringe person might bail, out of an unrealistic expectation that the church should be perfect. But most will stay if there is a sincere embracing of brokenness.

This is the time for the leadership team to have courage and humility to “call a spade a spade.” Speaking the unvarnished truth without avoiding unpleasant or embarrassing issues.

Embracing Brokenness

So, how does the leadership team model the embracing of brokenness? There are the 3 essential steps:

1. Identify

The leadership team needs to do the hard work of accurately understanding what happened. They need to know the truth. Be open to hear everyone’s perspective. In the case of an abrupt departure by the senior pastor the truth may be inconvenient but it’s critical to have the facts of what was known ahead of time…what was only suspected ahead of time…and what did others try to warn us about ahead of time. From all this research, write a statement describing the various levels of brokenness in your church.

2. Admit

In an appropriate setting the leadership team needs to describe the brokenness to the members of the church. That doesn’t mean that all the details are shared (that would probably be unloving), but without judgement or justification acknowledge what is broken. When we refuse to keep issues hidden but bring them into the light, they lose their control over us, and we are given a freedom to move forward.

3. Address

There are two aspects of addressing the brokenness in a church. The first is to publicly focus everyone’s attention on the hope we have that God is working in this for our good (Genesis 50:20, Romans 8:28). Facing brokenness can easily lead to despair that the future holds anything good. The leadership team needs to help the church keep its eyes on the Lord and not current circumstances. The lyrics of David Crowder’s classic song “Come As You Are” powerfully speak to this. Go read them with a corporate mindset.

Second, addressing the church’s brokenness means talking openly about specific action steps that will be taken to correct the known problems, to reconcile with those who have been hurt, and to put in place boundaries so this doesn’t happen again.

Obviously, we don’t celebrate sin, but we can embrace our brokenness: highlighting the wonderful work of restoration and repair that is possible in Christ. On both a personal and corporate level, our brokenness does not have to define us. But by the grace of God it can direct the church into a future of Christ-honoring ministry.

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TRM offers additional help and support for church leadership teams handling an abrupt pastoral departure. There are two workbooks that give practical advice for this critical transition season. Go to My Store to purchase either.